You deserve to be well!
Wellness isn't a matter of want.
It's a matter of need.
Especially for musicians!
The musical world has put me through the wringer.
I know the physical pain from playing hours on end and ignoring your numb hands or your neck muscles that are SCREAMING for you to stop.
I know the insecurity as you compare yourself to every other musician (especially those 5-year-old prodigies who can play all of the hardest repertoire... from memory... perfectly).
I know the guilt for not practicing in every minute of free time you have (which is just about ZERO).
I know the doubt that makes you question whether you'll ever be
And I know the anxiety that wears on your mind and soul every single day until you don't even know which way is up.
I SEE YOU.
I've lived it, too.
And I SURVIVED.
I know that you can, too!
Hi, I'm Caitlin!
I help musicians navigate their own
physical, mental and emotional obstacles through
yoga, meditation and mindfulness practices,
so they can live a fulfilling and sustainable life in music.
My story's a long one, so here's what happened in a (slightly larger) nutshell...
I'd spent my whole life running myself ragged trying to meet others’ expectations (or at least what I thought was expected of me) until I hit a breaking point. By the end of my undergrad degree, I was BURNED OUT and completely depleted. So, I made the hardest decision I'd ever had to make ––
I quit playing my flute and left the music world... for 2 1/2 years.
Now, that may not seem like a lot, but when you've dedicated the last decade of your life pursuing your passion, it's a devastating blow to leave it behind. I felt like a failure and like I had squandered 10 years of my life chasing a dream that was never meant to be. It felt like a quarter-life crisis.
But that break turned out to be a blessing in disguise and exactly what I needed. All of a sudden I had the time and space to do whatever I wanted and not feel like I had to play.
I felt FREE!
Instead of trudging through music theory homework (20th-century serialism = torture) or panicking about not having enough time to practice, I spent my days working a part-time job that required zero brain power (which was so welcome!) and did as much yoga as I could in my spare time.
I completed my 200-hour teacher training, taught multiple weekly classes (and subbed often) and practiced some form of yoga every day. I committed to ME.
And you know what happened?
I started to heal.
I no longer felt the tightness in my neck and jaw that had caused my hands to go numb.
I was starting to understand how my anxiety worked as well as how to manage it.
I was letting go of old emotional garbage that kept me from seeing my value.
I was more in control of myself than I had ever been before!
The most impactful thing I discovered, though? Realizing that I had been approaching music with the WRONG perspective all this time.
Turns out when you work really hard to play the way you think someone else wants you to play, music becomes a chore.
I don't know about you, but when I feel obligated to do something, I'm not likely to enjoy it very much... I might even begin to despise it. #themoreyouknow
This epiphany led me to the SECOND biggest decision of my life ––
I went back to school to pursue my master's degree.
And she lived happily ever after.
If I thought leaving music was hard, then returning felt close to impossible. I had to essentially relearn how to play (you lose A LOT in a couple of years...).
I felt like a beginner again (with a new flute I might add) and was barely keeping up with everyone else.
All of that emotional baggage I thought I had let go of came rushing back, and I was ready to give up after just the first week.
But I was determined that this time around was going to be different. This time I had an arsenal of wellness tools, self-care practices, physical exercises and intimate knowledge of ME that I knew how to use.
It took everything I had, but I DID IT. I not only survived grad school, but I freaking THRIVED.
In the 2-year duration of my master's degree I did things I never thought I'd be able to do. I ––
won competitions (I typically would self-sabotage these things and completely fall on my face!)
performed in front of the largest audience I'd ever played for as a soloist (and didn't die!)
took as many performance opportunities as I could (something I would have totally AVOIDED a couple of years earlier) and
traveled to Vancouver, Canada with my flute quartet.
But most importantly, I started to play for ME and no one else, and, for the first time in my life, knew I was actually making MUSIC!
Things were really looking up for me, and I knew that I had to share what I’ve learned with as many people as possible. So, I started sharing the tools I had used for myself with friends and students who were struggling in the same ways I had.
And now I want to share those with you, too!
I'm excited for the opportunity to help you feel more at home in your body, mind, and heart and achieve the things you never thought were possible!